Yesterday's corner time: 5 Minutes.
At great expense, my parents have installed gates and railings around the perimeter of our property to prevent the frequent meanderings of Jake the Dog.
It had consumed his entire weekend but Dad stood behind the gates proudly admiring his handiwork.
And so it was with immense satisfaction that Dad closed and locked the gates for the first time, safe in the knowledge that he would no longer need to chase down the road in the slipstream of a flapping-eared Beagle.
Therefore, you can probably imagine Dad’s disappointment when at the same time, Jake surveyed the same set of new gates but from the opposite side.
Jake had escaped and it had taken him all of 3 seconds. Dad’s gates hadn’t even managed to slow him down.
Jake was last seen catching the Number 32 Bus into town to meet up with friends. Apparently, he’s escaped so often that he has now qualified for a frequent traveller pass.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Pastures New
Monday, April 28, 2008
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Lettuce
Yesterday's corner time: 6 Minutes.
I am turning into a man of taste and sophistication.
Obviously, my new girlfriends are very impressed and today, Whats-her-name was rendered speechless when I presented her with a lettuce.
I think she was perhaps somewhat overwhelmed having led a particularly insular and unadventurous life, unlike myself of course.
“Why have you given me a cabbage?” she asked.
“It’s a lettuce,” I replied.
“Why have you given me a lettuce?” she asked.
See what I mean? Completely clueless. Anyway, I persevered.
“It’s a token of my admiration,” I explained.
“Oh,” She said.
I think she was quietly impressed. None of the other boys had given her a lettuce before.
That evening, I told Dad that I had taken his advice and given Whats-her-name a lettuce.
It later transpired that his advice had actually been to present her with some love letters as opposed to a love lettuce.
Not for the first time, not even for the second time, Dad's advice has again proved useless.
He really should learn to speak more clearly - it’s playing havoc with my love life and the content of his sandwiches.
Matthew.
Related Posts:
Whats-her-name: Pastures New, Breaking up is hard to do
Dad's Advice: Infatuation, Emily, Overbearing
I am turning into a man of taste and sophistication.
Obviously, my new girlfriends are very impressed and today, Whats-her-name was rendered speechless when I presented her with a lettuce.
I think she was perhaps somewhat overwhelmed having led a particularly insular and unadventurous life, unlike myself of course.
“Why have you given me a cabbage?” she asked.
“It’s a lettuce,” I replied.
“Why have you given me a lettuce?” she asked.
See what I mean? Completely clueless. Anyway, I persevered.
“It’s a token of my admiration,” I explained.
“Oh,” She said.
I think she was quietly impressed. None of the other boys had given her a lettuce before.
That evening, I told Dad that I had taken his advice and given Whats-her-name a lettuce.
It later transpired that his advice had actually been to present her with some love letters as opposed to a love lettuce.
Not for the first time, not even for the second time, Dad's advice has again proved useless.
He really should learn to speak more clearly - it’s playing havoc with my love life and the content of his sandwiches.
Matthew.
Related Posts:
Whats-her-name: Pastures New, Breaking up is hard to do
Dad's Advice: Infatuation, Emily, Overbearing
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Demolition Man
Yesterday’s corner time: 2 Minutes.
I’ve met two very clever men this week.
The first was a Doctor.
I’ve had a touch of tonsillitis and the Doctor has signed me off school for four whole days. What a wonderful man and to think I was worried about going to see him. I shall endeavour to visit him more often.
The next was Stafford and he’s a builder.
Actually, referring to Stafford as a builder is a little bit like referring to Hitler as a pacifist. He seems to spend most of his time knocking things down, only occasionally hesitating whilst he has a cup of tea.
I originally thought that Stafford was called Jesus, as that’s what Dad tends to cry out whenever Stafford shows him what he’s just demolished.
When I break things, I get in big trouble. This man seems to have made a career out of it. Genius.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Demolition
I’ve met two very clever men this week.
The first was a Doctor.
I’ve had a touch of tonsillitis and the Doctor has signed me off school for four whole days. What a wonderful man and to think I was worried about going to see him. I shall endeavour to visit him more often.
The next was Stafford and he’s a builder.
Actually, referring to Stafford as a builder is a little bit like referring to Hitler as a pacifist. He seems to spend most of his time knocking things down, only occasionally hesitating whilst he has a cup of tea.
I originally thought that Stafford was called Jesus, as that’s what Dad tends to cry out whenever Stafford shows him what he’s just demolished.
When I break things, I get in big trouble. This man seems to have made a career out of it. Genius.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Demolition
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