Yesterday's corner time: 12 Minutes.
This Hamster is causing me a lot of corner time.
The best thing about being 2.5 is that it’s a continuous voyage of discovery, although the learning curve is quite steep.
Take hamsters for instance, how was I supposed to know that they don’t float? They look like they will. After all, they’re only small and quite fluffy. But in reality, as I discovered yesterday, if you drop them in a fish tank, they'll sink like a stone.
Hammy is now sleeping with the fishes. So much for his stimulating, daytime activities. Although, it does illustrate the importance of learning to swim.
I’m not sure how I’m going to explain the drowning to the rest of my classmates.
Hamsters are rubbish.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Sharp Teeth, Free Fallin'
Friday, April 28, 2006
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Free Fallin'
Yesterday’s corner time: 18 Minutes.
I’m catching up on my law studies nicely.
So, day one of activities for Hammy the Hamster. My Dad recently bought me an Action Man doll complete with parachute. Perfect.
I awoke the unsuspecting furry critter from his slumbers shortly after breakfast. I wasted no time in stringing him into the harness before making my way upstairs to my bedroom window.
I counted down: 10, 3, 7, 4, 6, 4, 5, 4, 1 and gracefully launched Hammy through the opening.
Unfortunately, the chute became tangled and failed to open. I could see the terrified rodent desperately clawing at his chest for the reserve. Regrettably, this was a contingency that I had overlooked.
Fortunately, I had strategically positioned Baby Becca below my window to act as a safety net.
Unfortunately, I had underestimated the acceleration of a free falling Hamster.
Hammy glanced off the back of Becca’s neck, rattling both her teeth and sending her head-first into the flower bed, where she completely flattened Mum’s Begonias. She’s a big girl.
Hammy ricocheted, with not unreasonable force, into the patio door. He seemed to hang there indefinitely, before sliding down the glass and coming to a gentle rest on the step.
Luckily, Becca had managed to sufficiently cushion Hammy’s impact for him to survive the drop. You can still see his nose print on the glass door.
I think Hammy will probably agree with me that this was much better than sleeping all day. It’ll be hard to top this.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Sharp Teeth, Introduction
I’m catching up on my law studies nicely.
So, day one of activities for Hammy the Hamster. My Dad recently bought me an Action Man doll complete with parachute. Perfect.
I awoke the unsuspecting furry critter from his slumbers shortly after breakfast. I wasted no time in stringing him into the harness before making my way upstairs to my bedroom window.
I counted down: 10, 3, 7, 4, 6, 4, 5, 4, 1 and gracefully launched Hammy through the opening.
Unfortunately, the chute became tangled and failed to open. I could see the terrified rodent desperately clawing at his chest for the reserve. Regrettably, this was a contingency that I had overlooked.
Fortunately, I had strategically positioned Baby Becca below my window to act as a safety net.
Unfortunately, I had underestimated the acceleration of a free falling Hamster.
Hammy glanced off the back of Becca’s neck, rattling both her teeth and sending her head-first into the flower bed, where she completely flattened Mum’s Begonias. She’s a big girl.
Hammy ricocheted, with not unreasonable force, into the patio door. He seemed to hang there indefinitely, before sliding down the glass and coming to a gentle rest on the step.
Luckily, Becca had managed to sufficiently cushion Hammy’s impact for him to survive the drop. You can still see his nose print on the glass door.
I think Hammy will probably agree with me that this was much better than sleeping all day. It’ll be hard to top this.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Sharp Teeth, Introduction
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Sharp Teeth
Yesterday's corner time: 3 Minutes.
Quite a good day. I'll need to be really naughty soon as I need some more time to complete my law studies.
It’s the school holidays at the moment. I’m due to start back at Pre-School on Friday Morning. I attend every Tuesday morning too. I’m the youngest in the class.
I really like school, there’s no Becca and I get to do lots of things that I can’t do at home. For example, I can hit Charlie, which I can’t do at home because he doesn’t live with me.
The class has a pet hamster, called Hammy. He’s a bit rubbish as he sleeps all day and we hardly ever see him.
I saw him weeing in his cage once and I thought I’d try to bond with him by doing the same.
Unfortunately, my willy got stuck between the cage bars and Hammy bit me quite viciously. He has really sharp teeth. It’s not an easy place to stick a plaster but I think my classmates were quite impressed.
I’m looking after Hammy at the moment over the Holidays. I think if he had more to do during the day, he wouldn’t sleep so much.
Therefore, I have some activities planned ….
Matthew.
Related Posts: Introduction
Quite a good day. I'll need to be really naughty soon as I need some more time to complete my law studies.
It’s the school holidays at the moment. I’m due to start back at Pre-School on Friday Morning. I attend every Tuesday morning too. I’m the youngest in the class.
I really like school, there’s no Becca and I get to do lots of things that I can’t do at home. For example, I can hit Charlie, which I can’t do at home because he doesn’t live with me.
The class has a pet hamster, called Hammy. He’s a bit rubbish as he sleeps all day and we hardly ever see him.
I saw him weeing in his cage once and I thought I’d try to bond with him by doing the same.
Unfortunately, my willy got stuck between the cage bars and Hammy bit me quite viciously. He has really sharp teeth. It’s not an easy place to stick a plaster but I think my classmates were quite impressed.
I’m looking after Hammy at the moment over the Holidays. I think if he had more to do during the day, he wouldn’t sleep so much.
Therefore, I have some activities planned ….
Matthew.
Related Posts: Introduction
Monday, April 24, 2006
Coke Addict
Yesterday's corner time: 4 Minutes.
I stumbled across my Dad's secret stash of coke yesterday. I've had my suspicions for some time that he had developed a dependency on something.
I agonized over whether I should confront him about his habit, arrange an intervention or just flush the coke down the toilet, which is currently my favourite hiding place.
So far, I've flushed my Dad's car keys, his mobile phone and his wallet. I've also tried to flush Baby Becca down the toilet but I couldn't get her past the U-bend. Even when using a plunger. She's a big girl.
Anyway, in the end I thought I'd try the coke to see what all the fuss was about. After an initial rush, the effects seemed to quickly subside. Perhaps, it's because I'm too young or because I don't have a very sophisticated palate but to me, it tasted just like Pepsi. Also, the bubbles went up my nose.
I've discovered that it's very amusing to shake the cans as hard as I can, so that they explode all over Dad when he opens them.
Matthew.
I stumbled across my Dad's secret stash of coke yesterday. I've had my suspicions for some time that he had developed a dependency on something.
I agonized over whether I should confront him about his habit, arrange an intervention or just flush the coke down the toilet, which is currently my favourite hiding place.
So far, I've flushed my Dad's car keys, his mobile phone and his wallet. I've also tried to flush Baby Becca down the toilet but I couldn't get her past the U-bend. Even when using a plunger. She's a big girl.
Anyway, in the end I thought I'd try the coke to see what all the fuss was about. After an initial rush, the effects seemed to quickly subside. Perhaps, it's because I'm too young or because I don't have a very sophisticated palate but to me, it tasted just like Pepsi. Also, the bubbles went up my nose.
I've discovered that it's very amusing to shake the cans as hard as I can, so that they explode all over Dad when he opens them.
Matthew.
Friday, April 21, 2006
Lost
Yesterday’s corner time: 20 Minutes.
Yesterday, we went to Chessington’s World of Adventures.
We went with all my Friends and their Mothers. I drove my Mum demented and ran her ragged. It was great fun.
Unfortunately though, I got lost.
I seem to be getting the blame for this which strikes me as being very unfair. After all, who are the adults here - surely it's their responsibility to take care of me? Not mine to stay where I am? That's way too much responsibility for a 2.5 year old.
Anyway, I think my Mum was very pleased to eventually find me after about 20 minutes of searching. Hard to tell really, she was crying quite a lot.
However, Baby Becca was visibly disappointed.
Matthew.
Yesterday, we went to Chessington’s World of Adventures.
We went with all my Friends and their Mothers. I drove my Mum demented and ran her ragged. It was great fun.
Unfortunately though, I got lost.
I seem to be getting the blame for this which strikes me as being very unfair. After all, who are the adults here - surely it's their responsibility to take care of me? Not mine to stay where I am? That's way too much responsibility for a 2.5 year old.
Anyway, I think my Mum was very pleased to eventually find me after about 20 minutes of searching. Hard to tell really, she was crying quite a lot.
However, Baby Becca was visibly disappointed.
Matthew.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
Sweet Revenge
Yesterday's corner time: 2 Minutes.
Another nice day and we were out in the garden again.
I discovered that Dad isn't too keen on wasps. He was continually pestered by them all afternoon and on several occasions, flailed around madly before running for cover into the Kitchen.
On the third occasion, he removed his boots only to find some strawberry jam smeared down the back.
"Hmm, Strange - that looks like jam. It tastes like Jam. It is Jam! Wonder how that got there?" mused Dad.
In the evening, when they went to bed, I could hear Dad asking my Mum to check behind the curtains for wasps. After peering behind the first curtain, she ran from the room screaming before bursting into laughter.
Sweet.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Bees
Another nice day and we were out in the garden again.
I discovered that Dad isn't too keen on wasps. He was continually pestered by them all afternoon and on several occasions, flailed around madly before running for cover into the Kitchen.
On the third occasion, he removed his boots only to find some strawberry jam smeared down the back.
"Hmm, Strange - that looks like jam. It tastes like Jam. It is Jam! Wonder how that got there?" mused Dad.
In the evening, when they went to bed, I could hear Dad asking my Mum to check behind the curtains for wasps. After peering behind the first curtain, she ran from the room screaming before bursting into laughter.
Sweet.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Bees
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Bees
Yesterday's corner time: 3 Minutes.
It was a nice, sunny day and I was out in the garden when I remembered that I don't like bees. That I really, really don't like bees.
They chased me every time I tried to retrieve my ball from next to their bush.
I tried smearing jam on Baby Becca to distract them but it didn't work. Becca and some passing ants seemed quite partial to the jam but neither my Mum nor the bees seemed to be too impressed.
At night now, before I go to sleep, I have to get Dad to check behind my curtains for bees. It doesn't help when he screams and runs out of my bedroom waving his arms around frantically as if swatting something away. Naturally, this amuses him greatly.
I must get my own back.
Matthew
It was a nice, sunny day and I was out in the garden when I remembered that I don't like bees. That I really, really don't like bees.
They chased me every time I tried to retrieve my ball from next to their bush.
I tried smearing jam on Baby Becca to distract them but it didn't work. Becca and some passing ants seemed quite partial to the jam but neither my Mum nor the bees seemed to be too impressed.
At night now, before I go to sleep, I have to get Dad to check behind my curtains for bees. It doesn't help when he screams and runs out of my bedroom waving his arms around frantically as if swatting something away. Naturally, this amuses him greatly.
I must get my own back.
Matthew
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
A Lack of Support
Yesterday's corner time: 8 Minutes.
My law studies are coming along nicely.
I hadn't quite forgiven my Dad for painting jail bars on my face, therefore, I snuck into his office and unscrewed the nut fastening the back support on his office chair.
I laughed uncontrollably as my Dad somersaulted backwards, almost managing a double twist with pike before crashing into the filing cabinet. Now, that's what I call a nine for style.
Unfortunately, I was still holding the nut in my hand, so was caught red-handed. I should have planted it on Becca.
I still can't reach the "Art of War" on the book shelf and I need it more than ever.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Rules of Engagment
My law studies are coming along nicely.
I hadn't quite forgiven my Dad for painting jail bars on my face, therefore, I snuck into his office and unscrewed the nut fastening the back support on his office chair.
I laughed uncontrollably as my Dad somersaulted backwards, almost managing a double twist with pike before crashing into the filing cabinet. Now, that's what I call a nine for style.
Unfortunately, I was still holding the nut in my hand, so was caught red-handed. I should have planted it on Becca.
I still can't reach the "Art of War" on the book shelf and I need it more than ever.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Rules of Engagment
Monday, April 17, 2006
Chocolate and lots of it
Yesterday's corner time: 5 Minutes.
I'm back on track after my flirtation with juvenile delinquency. It took quite a bit of scrubbing to get the painted bars off my face. My cheeks are still a bit red.
It was Easter Sunday yesterday, so lots and lots of chocolate. I was nice to Becca and gave her some of my chocolate. She had her mouth shut at the time, so I stuffed it in her ear.
Nanna and Grandad John came for lunch as did Grandad Peter and Grandma Gerry.
Apparently, Grandad Peter and Grandma Gerry are honorary grandparents which means they aren't real, so I guess they must be some kind of computer animation then. Very realistic, although I think they could have done a better job with Grandma Gerry.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Cops and Bloggers
I'm back on track after my flirtation with juvenile delinquency. It took quite a bit of scrubbing to get the painted bars off my face. My cheeks are still a bit red.
It was Easter Sunday yesterday, so lots and lots of chocolate. I was nice to Becca and gave her some of my chocolate. She had her mouth shut at the time, so I stuffed it in her ear.
Nanna and Grandad John came for lunch as did Grandad Peter and Grandma Gerry.
Apparently, Grandad Peter and Grandma Gerry are honorary grandparents which means they aren't real, so I guess they must be some kind of computer animation then. Very realistic, although I think they could have done a better job with Grandma Gerry.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Cops and Bloggers
Sunday, April 16, 2006
Cops and Bloggers
Yesterday's corner time: 15 Minutes.
A bad day.
Mum received a visit from social services and the police after they were alerted to my auction of Baby Becca on eBay.
I'm not sure what Mum was more embarrassed about, the fact that the Police had pulled up outside her house or that the bidding for Becca had only reached £1.25.
Dad wanted to use the face paints to draw some bars on my face to see how I would look in jail.
Needless to say, much shouting and corner time ensued.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Musical Tastes
A bad day.
Mum received a visit from social services and the police after they were alerted to my auction of Baby Becca on eBay.
I'm not sure what Mum was more embarrassed about, the fact that the Police had pulled up outside her house or that the bidding for Becca had only reached £1.25.
Dad wanted to use the face paints to draw some bars on my face to see how I would look in jail.
Needless to say, much shouting and corner time ensued.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Musical Tastes
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Musical Tastes
Yesterday's corner time: 2 Minutes.
A good Friday indeed - this could be the start of something good.
According to my profile, my musical likes include Beyonce and The Sugababes. I'm not really sure if I really like them or not. All I know is that my Dad makes me watch their videos on MTV and when my Mum comes into the lounge, he says it's because I like them. So, I thought I'd better list them here.
Also listed is Baby Mozart, I think he's a genius. I struggle to get any tunes out of my electric piano, however hard I bang the keys. And he's only a baby - amazing. And don't get me started on Baby Einstein - although he's rubbish on the piano.
My sister, Baby Becca, is rubbish at everything. I must figure out how to use eBay.
Matthew.
A good Friday indeed - this could be the start of something good.
According to my profile, my musical likes include Beyonce and The Sugababes. I'm not really sure if I really like them or not. All I know is that my Dad makes me watch their videos on MTV and when my Mum comes into the lounge, he says it's because I like them. So, I thought I'd better list them here.
Also listed is Baby Mozart, I think he's a genius. I struggle to get any tunes out of my electric piano, however hard I bang the keys. And he's only a baby - amazing. And don't get me started on Baby Einstein - although he's rubbish on the piano.
My sister, Baby Becca, is rubbish at everything. I must figure out how to use eBay.
Matthew.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Sharing
Yesterday's corner time: 6 Minutes.
I went around to Alfie's house yesterday for an Easter Egg Hunt.
Alfie's my friend and is the same age. He has a younger sister too, so we're kindred spirits.
It was a gloriously sunny day and I cleaned up in all the hunts.
I also won the Egg and Spoon Race. At first, I thought this was going to be a race between an Egg and Spoon but it turned out to be quite different and a lot more fun. Although, I think the Egg would have won, especially if the course had had a slight downward slope. Alfie disagreed and we ended up having a minor altercation resulting in some corner time.
Anyway, at the end, because I had so many more eggs than the other kids, I was made to share mine out. What is this sharing business? It's like a tax on being successful. It's like communism for kids.
When I got home, I googled Marx who apparently had a lot to say on this kinda stuff. Turns out that he was quite a funny guy. He also appears to have had a few brothers: Chico, Harpo and Zeppo.
Matthew.
I went around to Alfie's house yesterday for an Easter Egg Hunt.
Alfie's my friend and is the same age. He has a younger sister too, so we're kindred spirits.
It was a gloriously sunny day and I cleaned up in all the hunts.
I also won the Egg and Spoon Race. At first, I thought this was going to be a race between an Egg and Spoon but it turned out to be quite different and a lot more fun. Although, I think the Egg would have won, especially if the course had had a slight downward slope. Alfie disagreed and we ended up having a minor altercation resulting in some corner time.
Anyway, at the end, because I had so many more eggs than the other kids, I was made to share mine out. What is this sharing business? It's like a tax on being successful. It's like communism for kids.
When I got home, I googled Marx who apparently had a lot to say on this kinda stuff. Turns out that he was quite a funny guy. He also appears to have had a few brothers: Chico, Harpo and Zeppo.
Matthew.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Ketchup
Yesterday's corner time: 3 Minutes.
A very good day, although I'm now behind on my law studies.
Discovered that it's very difficult to fill a water pistol with ketchup and that it's far more practical to administer it directly to Becca. Hence, the 3 minutes.
"What the fu.......dge!!", exclaimed my Mother as she skidded across the kitchen on spilt ketchup. Not sure what fudge has to do with anything, it was quite clearly tomato sauce.
Apart from that, a relatively trouble free day. My Grandparents came round in the afternoon to look after me and Becca. They live nearby and are called Nanna and Grandad John. Grandad John has two walking sticks. He only used to have one but I kept taking it, so I think the other is a backup.
Nanna hurt her back picking up Becca. She's a big girl for 11 months (Becca not Nanna. Nanna's a lot older than that - she's at least six or seven years old, if not more). I've tried picking up Becca before when I was trying to push her out the window but I couldn't budge her an inch. At the time, I thought the 2 minutes in the corner were unwarranted but on reflection, it looks like I got off lightly.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Mixed Messages, Introduction
A very good day, although I'm now behind on my law studies.
Discovered that it's very difficult to fill a water pistol with ketchup and that it's far more practical to administer it directly to Becca. Hence, the 3 minutes.
"What the fu.......dge!!", exclaimed my Mother as she skidded across the kitchen on spilt ketchup. Not sure what fudge has to do with anything, it was quite clearly tomato sauce.
Apart from that, a relatively trouble free day. My Grandparents came round in the afternoon to look after me and Becca. They live nearby and are called Nanna and Grandad John. Grandad John has two walking sticks. He only used to have one but I kept taking it, so I think the other is a backup.
Nanna hurt her back picking up Becca. She's a big girl for 11 months (Becca not Nanna. Nanna's a lot older than that - she's at least six or seven years old, if not more). I've tried picking up Becca before when I was trying to push her out the window but I couldn't budge her an inch. At the time, I thought the 2 minutes in the corner were unwarranted but on reflection, it looks like I got off lightly.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Mixed Messages, Introduction
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Mixed Messages
Yesterday's corner time: 16 Minutes.
Not a good day corner wise, largely due to the rediscovery of my water pistol behind the sideboard in the lounge.
Eventually, the water pistol was confiscated when my Mum, alerted by Becca's screams, found me administering headshots to her repeatedly from point blank range. Becca is such a tell-tale. I wonder if my pistol would work as well with ketchup.
In the afternoon, I baked cup cakes with my mother, which was alright for the first dozen but the novelty was wearing off by the 4th batch. I preferred the washing up, although ended up in the corner again when Mum caught me weeing in the sink.
Dad laughed when Mum told him and said "That's my boy!" and that he'd give me a nine for style. I don't understand. Talk about mixed messages.
Matthew.
Not a good day corner wise, largely due to the rediscovery of my water pistol behind the sideboard in the lounge.
Eventually, the water pistol was confiscated when my Mum, alerted by Becca's screams, found me administering headshots to her repeatedly from point blank range. Becca is such a tell-tale. I wonder if my pistol would work as well with ketchup.
In the afternoon, I baked cup cakes with my mother, which was alright for the first dozen but the novelty was wearing off by the 4th batch. I preferred the washing up, although ended up in the corner again when Mum caught me weeing in the sink.
Dad laughed when Mum told him and said "That's my boy!" and that he'd give me a nine for style. I don't understand. Talk about mixed messages.
Matthew.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Rules of Engagement
Yesterday's corner time: 6 Minutes.
Under 10 minutes yesterday, so I must have been quite good.
So, what are the rules of engagement concerning corner time?
Well, if I'm slightly naughty, I normally get a warning or a threat of going into the corner. My parents will normally go through the process of counting to three to give me some time to repent. I will normally apologise in between the count of 2.5 and 2.75 - never before.
If I'm feeling particularly stubborn, then I won't apologise and I get placed in the corner for 1 - 2 minutes or until I apologise with enough sincerity to convince my parents that I'm a reformed character.
Slightly naughty may consist of shouting too much, answering back, swearing or being generally rude. I'm starting to pick up quite a few swear words now, mostly off my Dad, so I think being punished for this is particularly unfair.
If I'm very naughty, my parents normally dispense with the niceties and escort me directly to the corner. I won't be released for three minutes in these situations. My Dad times it by looking at his watch.
Very naughty consists of hitting people - my friends, my parents or Becca, my sister.
Becca is very annoying, so again I think being penalized for hitting her is a bit harsh. I need to be more sneaky about this.
My Dad has the "Art of War" on his bookshelf. I'm almost tall enough to reach it and when I can, Becca had better watch out.
Matthew.
Under 10 minutes yesterday, so I must have been quite good.
So, what are the rules of engagement concerning corner time?
Well, if I'm slightly naughty, I normally get a warning or a threat of going into the corner. My parents will normally go through the process of counting to three to give me some time to repent. I will normally apologise in between the count of 2.5 and 2.75 - never before.
If I'm feeling particularly stubborn, then I won't apologise and I get placed in the corner for 1 - 2 minutes or until I apologise with enough sincerity to convince my parents that I'm a reformed character.
Slightly naughty may consist of shouting too much, answering back, swearing or being generally rude. I'm starting to pick up quite a few swear words now, mostly off my Dad, so I think being punished for this is particularly unfair.
If I'm very naughty, my parents normally dispense with the niceties and escort me directly to the corner. I won't be released for three minutes in these situations. My Dad times it by looking at his watch.
Very naughty consists of hitting people - my friends, my parents or Becca, my sister.
Becca is very annoying, so again I think being penalized for hitting her is a bit harsh. I need to be more sneaky about this.
My Dad has the "Art of War" on his bookshelf. I'm almost tall enough to reach it and when I can, Becca had better watch out.
Matthew.
Monday, April 10, 2006
I'll have to be quick, I'm due to go back in the corner shortly.
Welcome to my diary which I’ve entitled “Life in the corner”.
The Corner in the title refers to my naughty corner where I seem to be spending an increasing amount of time.
This is largely as a result of unfortunate mishaps involving my baby sister, Becca.
“Sorry – it was only an accident”, according to my father anyway, are the words that will appear on my epitaph. Whatever an epitaph is. I don’t quite understand.
In future entries, I’ll be providing useful tips for all my fellow corner dwellers on how to productively spend their many hours of detainment. For example, you could start studying for a law degree, take up Chi Kung or excavate your nasal cavities.
Also, I’ll be sharing with you the benefits of my vast experience at the pre-school of life including free advice on how to drive your parents up the wall. Not that you probably need it.
Matthew.
The Corner in the title refers to my naughty corner where I seem to be spending an increasing amount of time.
This is largely as a result of unfortunate mishaps involving my baby sister, Becca.
“Sorry – it was only an accident”, according to my father anyway, are the words that will appear on my epitaph. Whatever an epitaph is. I don’t quite understand.
In future entries, I’ll be providing useful tips for all my fellow corner dwellers on how to productively spend their many hours of detainment. For example, you could start studying for a law degree, take up Chi Kung or excavate your nasal cavities.
Also, I’ll be sharing with you the benefits of my vast experience at the pre-school of life including free advice on how to drive your parents up the wall. Not that you probably need it.
Matthew.
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