Yesterday’s corner time: 8 Minutes.
Isn’t school wonderful?
According to Dad, as an establishment for shaping young minds, it is probably only a close second to a young offenders institution. So, based upon that, I assume that it must be very good indeed.
The last few months have been very productive. I have been studying very hard and can now confidently say, that I am almost fluent in slang.
I think both my parents are pleased with my progress and visit the school’s head teacher frequently to thank her.
They were there again this morning prompted by my praise for Mum’s large knockers. I thought this demonstrated nicely my sensitive and caring side.
I have also learnt that when someone kindly offers you a swift blow to your knackers that it is an offer that is best declined.
Unfortunately, I had to learn that one the hard way.
Matthew.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
Dungeon
Yesterday’s corner time: 2 Hours.
We visited a War of the Roses re-enactment at Lincoln Castle.
I was hoping to see lots of blood and gore but no such luck. The people who did die during the battles were just teasing.
Disappointed, I visited the souvenir shop in need of retail therapy. Pleased with the large range of weaponry on offer, I extended my already huge arsenal with the purchase of a hefty wooden sword and went in search of some worthy adversaries.
It wasn’t long before a tall man sneaked up behind me and whacked me with a long stick. I quickly spun around and parried his next swipe. The man reeled backwards before stumbling over the Labrador dog which was at his side.
Hah, he hadn’t seen that coming and it turns out there was a good reason why.
Well, how was I supposed to know he was blind?
When Dad eventually released me from the Dungeon, I crossed off white sticks from my list of suspicious military hardware.
Matthew.
We visited a War of the Roses re-enactment at Lincoln Castle.
I was hoping to see lots of blood and gore but no such luck. The people who did die during the battles were just teasing.
Disappointed, I visited the souvenir shop in need of retail therapy. Pleased with the large range of weaponry on offer, I extended my already huge arsenal with the purchase of a hefty wooden sword and went in search of some worthy adversaries.
It wasn’t long before a tall man sneaked up behind me and whacked me with a long stick. I quickly spun around and parried his next swipe. The man reeled backwards before stumbling over the Labrador dog which was at his side.
Hah, he hadn’t seen that coming and it turns out there was a good reason why.
Well, how was I supposed to know he was blind?
When Dad eventually released me from the Dungeon, I crossed off white sticks from my list of suspicious military hardware.
Matthew.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Superhero
Yesterday’s corner time: 3 Minutes.
Ever since I gave Whats-her name a lettuce, I appear to have acquired a cult-like status at school, culminating in a belief that I'm some kind of superhero.
Admittedly, it’s not exactly what I had in mind all those times I lay on my bed and dreamt of being like Spiderman or Superman but hey, it’ll do.
Now, wherever I go, I’m accompanied by chants of “Salad Boy! Salad Boy!” and choruses of "Is it a bush? Is it a parsnip? No, it’s Salad Boy!"
I’m not quite sure what my secret powers are supposed to be or whom I'm supposed to save but in the meantime, I’ve equipped myself with my trusty lettuce and a stick of celery.
If all else fails, I'll always have some healthy titbits upon which to nibble. Something, I feel, other superheroes overlook.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Lettuce
Ever since I gave Whats-her name a lettuce, I appear to have acquired a cult-like status at school, culminating in a belief that I'm some kind of superhero.
Admittedly, it’s not exactly what I had in mind all those times I lay on my bed and dreamt of being like Spiderman or Superman but hey, it’ll do.
Now, wherever I go, I’m accompanied by chants of “Salad Boy! Salad Boy!” and choruses of "Is it a bush? Is it a parsnip? No, it’s Salad Boy!"
I’m not quite sure what my secret powers are supposed to be or whom I'm supposed to save but in the meantime, I’ve equipped myself with my trusty lettuce and a stick of celery.
If all else fails, I'll always have some healthy titbits upon which to nibble. Something, I feel, other superheroes overlook.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Lettuce
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