Yesterday’s corner time: 4 Minutes.
As I get older, my palate is definitely becoming more sophisticated and I’m developing a distinct ability to detect the complex flavours that constitute most of my meals.
I am also able to identify which ingredients work well together and to recommend combinations that will bring out the best of each of the individual components.
Through exhaustive experimentation and numerous tastings, I have developed an extensive, encyclopaedic knowledge of cooking and I can now be quite bold with some of my culinary creations.
Virtually all of my dishes revolve around one secret ingredient – Custard.
I’ve yet to find a bad pairing involving this nectar like substance. My favourite is fruit smothered with Custard. To be honest, I’m not too fond of the fruit bits but it’s easy to push them out of the way and it acts as a good delivery mechanism for the Custard.
Becca actually prefers strawberries. When being offered one, she tends to open her mouth so wide that she almost dislocates her jaw. If she holds her mouth open for too long, it starts attracting matter in a similar manner to a black hole, placing the whole universe in jeopardy.
I discovered yesterday that emptying a bowl of Custard over her head enhances even Becca. However, Mum disagreed.
Matthew.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Monday, September 25, 2006
Moving Away
Yesterday’s corner time: 3 Minutes.
On Friday, I went to Chessington World of Adventures again with Emily. Call me picky if you like but I’ve been less inclined to meet up with her ever since she accused me of smelling of pooh.
The morning went well but at lunch time, she delivered some devastating news. She’s moving 600 miles away to Scotland.
I couldn’t believe that I smelled so badly to warrant such a drastic measure. I immediately tried to reassure her that I had dispensed with dousing myself with Dad’s aftershave and instead preferred going au naturale.
She wasn’t too impressed by this revelation but she shared that the decision to up sticks was less to do with my bodily odours and more to do with her parents desire to live somewhere full of Scottish people.
Emily said that I can go and visit but I’m not sure long distance relationships work. It was bad enough when she lived on the other side of town, let alone in another country.
I think that her Dad might actually be one of these Scottish types. My Dad said that perhaps we’ve all had a lucky escape, as we would have probably ended up paying for the wedding. I’m not quite sure why he should say this.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Emily, Bubbly, Hard to Get, Play Date, Overbearing, Madness, Aftershave
On Friday, I went to Chessington World of Adventures again with Emily. Call me picky if you like but I’ve been less inclined to meet up with her ever since she accused me of smelling of pooh.
The morning went well but at lunch time, she delivered some devastating news. She’s moving 600 miles away to Scotland.
I couldn’t believe that I smelled so badly to warrant such a drastic measure. I immediately tried to reassure her that I had dispensed with dousing myself with Dad’s aftershave and instead preferred going au naturale.
She wasn’t too impressed by this revelation but she shared that the decision to up sticks was less to do with my bodily odours and more to do with her parents desire to live somewhere full of Scottish people.
Emily said that I can go and visit but I’m not sure long distance relationships work. It was bad enough when she lived on the other side of town, let alone in another country.
I think that her Dad might actually be one of these Scottish types. My Dad said that perhaps we’ve all had a lucky escape, as we would have probably ended up paying for the wedding. I’m not quite sure why he should say this.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Emily, Bubbly, Hard to Get, Play Date, Overbearing, Madness, Aftershave
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Wipeout
Yesterday’s corner time: 4 Minutes.
Becca is turning out to be quite accident prone. Especially, it seems, when she’s in my presence.
Take yesterday for example, when we were both out in the garden playing. I was on my rope swing and she was pootling around doing whatever she does, when she inadvertently wandered into my path.
Naturally, as I was in mid-swing there was very little I could do and I slammed into her back, wiping her out.
Although slightly winded and with a mouthful of play bark, Becca was quickly back up on her feet but unfortunately, she was just in time for my return swing. This time, I caught her under her chin, lifting her clean off her feet.
Becca’s screams filled the local neighbourhood like an air raid siren. Mum came running and I immediately protested my innocence. I tend to do this now even when it’s nothing to do with me.
Luckily, she had heard my warning shouts to Becca and so believed my claims that it was all a terrible accident.
This has me wondering that if in future, I shout warnings to Becca before whacking her, will I be able to escape punishment? I’ll try this out soon.
Matthew.
Becca is turning out to be quite accident prone. Especially, it seems, when she’s in my presence.
Take yesterday for example, when we were both out in the garden playing. I was on my rope swing and she was pootling around doing whatever she does, when she inadvertently wandered into my path.
Naturally, as I was in mid-swing there was very little I could do and I slammed into her back, wiping her out.
Although slightly winded and with a mouthful of play bark, Becca was quickly back up on her feet but unfortunately, she was just in time for my return swing. This time, I caught her under her chin, lifting her clean off her feet.
Becca’s screams filled the local neighbourhood like an air raid siren. Mum came running and I immediately protested my innocence. I tend to do this now even when it’s nothing to do with me.
Luckily, she had heard my warning shouts to Becca and so believed my claims that it was all a terrible accident.
This has me wondering that if in future, I shout warnings to Becca before whacking her, will I be able to escape punishment? I’ll try this out soon.
Matthew.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Chef
Yesterday’s corner time: 2 Minutes.
Dad spent a lot Saturday cooking. Yes, that’s right, cooking. Yes, I do know what cooking is and Dad was doing quite a lot of it on Saturday.
Apparently, he has been known to do this before, although not during my lifetime, so this was a first for me. I pulled up a chair and watched in amazement as he dashed around the kitchen in something which he referred to as “Organized Chaos” but which Mum said was more akin to “Disorganized Chaos”. Dad has long been a supporter of chaos theory and here it was demonstrated perfectly.
Dad describes his culinary genius as Cordon Bleu but Mum suggested that it was probably more Cordon Noir judging by the charred remains in most of the dishes.
Despite my protests, Mum just left him to it. I wasn’t sure if our kitchen would ever look the same again. I don’t think she could bear to watch. Eventually, even I had to leave and retire to a safe distance. I decided that behind the sofa was the best bet.
Uncle Simon and Aunty Fabienne were the unfortunate guinea pigs or, as Dad preferred to call them, guests. They had been lured to our house unaware that Dad would be preparing their evening fare.
Therefore, it was with great apprehension that everyone sat down at the table that evening. However, the apprehension was soon replaced by surprise and then by downright enjoyment, when the food not only turned out to be fit for human consumption but was actually quite delicious.
The remainder of the courses went without a hitch and the evening was only marred by the arrival of a Pizza delivery which Mum had forgotten to cancel on discovering that the meal was edible.
Matthew.
Dad spent a lot Saturday cooking. Yes, that’s right, cooking. Yes, I do know what cooking is and Dad was doing quite a lot of it on Saturday.
Apparently, he has been known to do this before, although not during my lifetime, so this was a first for me. I pulled up a chair and watched in amazement as he dashed around the kitchen in something which he referred to as “Organized Chaos” but which Mum said was more akin to “Disorganized Chaos”. Dad has long been a supporter of chaos theory and here it was demonstrated perfectly.
Dad describes his culinary genius as Cordon Bleu but Mum suggested that it was probably more Cordon Noir judging by the charred remains in most of the dishes.
Despite my protests, Mum just left him to it. I wasn’t sure if our kitchen would ever look the same again. I don’t think she could bear to watch. Eventually, even I had to leave and retire to a safe distance. I decided that behind the sofa was the best bet.
Uncle Simon and Aunty Fabienne were the unfortunate guinea pigs or, as Dad preferred to call them, guests. They had been lured to our house unaware that Dad would be preparing their evening fare.
Therefore, it was with great apprehension that everyone sat down at the table that evening. However, the apprehension was soon replaced by surprise and then by downright enjoyment, when the food not only turned out to be fit for human consumption but was actually quite delicious.
The remainder of the courses went without a hitch and the evening was only marred by the arrival of a Pizza delivery which Mum had forgotten to cancel on discovering that the meal was edible.
Matthew.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Ear we go again
Yesterday’s corner time: 3 Minutes.
Dad had a frog in his throat yesterday, although I couldn’t see anything and I’m not quite sure how it got there. I assume that he was sitting watching TV with his mouth wide open as usual and that it hopped right in.
I guess he was lucky that it was only a frog and not something larger, such as small dog. However, I think that a dog would only have squeezed in if he were yawning at the time.
The dog would also have had to escape the clutches of Becca, animal lover extraordinaire. She has a tendency to first lure them into a false sense of security by gently stroking their head and patting their back before attempting to rip their ears off.
Becca seems to have a penchant for ears at the moment and unfortunately, not just those of the canine variety. She is also particularly partial to mine, which is quite upsetting.
It’s not that my ears are especially big because they’re not. Well, at least they weren’t before Becca started to tug on them at every available opportunity. I think this is revenge for when I used to treat her as horse. Yesterday, she actually lifted both her feet off the ground as she clung on.
Anyway, I had to put her in her place after that and that place was upside down in the dustbin.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Revalations?, Giddy Up, Horseplay
Dad had a frog in his throat yesterday, although I couldn’t see anything and I’m not quite sure how it got there. I assume that he was sitting watching TV with his mouth wide open as usual and that it hopped right in.
I guess he was lucky that it was only a frog and not something larger, such as small dog. However, I think that a dog would only have squeezed in if he were yawning at the time.
The dog would also have had to escape the clutches of Becca, animal lover extraordinaire. She has a tendency to first lure them into a false sense of security by gently stroking their head and patting their back before attempting to rip their ears off.
Becca seems to have a penchant for ears at the moment and unfortunately, not just those of the canine variety. She is also particularly partial to mine, which is quite upsetting.
It’s not that my ears are especially big because they’re not. Well, at least they weren’t before Becca started to tug on them at every available opportunity. I think this is revenge for when I used to treat her as horse. Yesterday, she actually lifted both her feet off the ground as she clung on.
Anyway, I had to put her in her place after that and that place was upside down in the dustbin.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Revalations?, Giddy Up, Horseplay
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
All Camped Out
Yesterday’s corner time: 1 Minute.
We went camping again over the weekend and amazingly it didn’t rain once. I think that this will be the final expedition of the year, now that it’s starting to turn colder.
The trip to the campsite took 1hr 45 minutes of which, the first 15 minutes were spent sitting on the drive of our house whilst Mum kept returning to the house to retrieve items that she had forgotten to pack.
I’m not very good at maths as I still can’t count but Dad said that this represented 1/7th of our total journey time. Mum said that the 15 minutes would represent approximately 50% of his remaining life expectancy if he didn’t stop mentioning the previous statistic.
The weather was glorious but at night it became very, very cold. We only had summer sleeping bags and the sound of teeth chattering kept everyone awake. It turned out that the chattering teeth actually belonged to a passing hedgehog, which just goes to show just how cold it was.
The next day, Dad went straight down to a local camp shop and emerged equipped with new and rather expensive looking sleeping bags that wouldn’t be out of place at Everest base camp.
That night we were all very cosy in our new bags, in fact, possibly too cosy. I was kept awake by the constant zipping and unzipping of Dad’s sleeping bag as he alternated between the extremes of heat stroke and frostbite.
Dad says that next year we’re going to the Mediterranean.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Tent, Camping, Camping Trip
We went camping again over the weekend and amazingly it didn’t rain once. I think that this will be the final expedition of the year, now that it’s starting to turn colder.
The trip to the campsite took 1hr 45 minutes of which, the first 15 minutes were spent sitting on the drive of our house whilst Mum kept returning to the house to retrieve items that she had forgotten to pack.
I’m not very good at maths as I still can’t count but Dad said that this represented 1/7th of our total journey time. Mum said that the 15 minutes would represent approximately 50% of his remaining life expectancy if he didn’t stop mentioning the previous statistic.
The weather was glorious but at night it became very, very cold. We only had summer sleeping bags and the sound of teeth chattering kept everyone awake. It turned out that the chattering teeth actually belonged to a passing hedgehog, which just goes to show just how cold it was.
The next day, Dad went straight down to a local camp shop and emerged equipped with new and rather expensive looking sleeping bags that wouldn’t be out of place at Everest base camp.
That night we were all very cosy in our new bags, in fact, possibly too cosy. I was kept awake by the constant zipping and unzipping of Dad’s sleeping bag as he alternated between the extremes of heat stroke and frostbite.
Dad says that next year we’re going to the Mediterranean.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Tent, Camping, Camping Trip
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Economics
Yesterday’s corner time: 2 Minutes.
I’ve noticed that my Dad has been very busy lately, working long hours late into the night.
As well as restricting my access to the computer it has also meant that we haven’t been able to spend much time together.
After I hadn’t seen him all day yesterday, I decided that enough was enough. I marched upstairs to his office and demanded an audience.
He said that he was very busy but that a window of opportunity may open up between 7:00pm and 7:10pm. Either that or I could email him.
I said that this just wasn’t good enough and that he had to see me now. Dad then picked me up and sat me on his knee. Apparently, it was time that I learnt a little bit about economics.
I prayed that this wasn’t going to be like the talk that my friend Charlie had with his parents after asking them where he came from. That didn’t sound very nice at all. Dad has always said that I had been given away free with a packet of cornflakes at Walmart. That was good enough for me.
Luckily, economics was all about money and toys. Two of my favourite subjects although I’m not quite sure what money is.
Dad explained that he had to work to earn money. The money paid for my house, my food, my clothes, my toys and my sweets. If he didn’t work hard, then he wouldn’t be paid and I’d have to make do without toys and sweets.
Dad said that he understood that I might prefer to spend more time with him than have lots of toys.
What! Is he kidding? Of course I wouldn’t want less toys. I made this pretty clear to him and then queried if he had enough time to be sitting around chatting with me. After all, we can't have him distracted from the important business of earning me more toys.
Matthew.
I’ve noticed that my Dad has been very busy lately, working long hours late into the night.
As well as restricting my access to the computer it has also meant that we haven’t been able to spend much time together.
After I hadn’t seen him all day yesterday, I decided that enough was enough. I marched upstairs to his office and demanded an audience.
He said that he was very busy but that a window of opportunity may open up between 7:00pm and 7:10pm. Either that or I could email him.
I said that this just wasn’t good enough and that he had to see me now. Dad then picked me up and sat me on his knee. Apparently, it was time that I learnt a little bit about economics.
I prayed that this wasn’t going to be like the talk that my friend Charlie had with his parents after asking them where he came from. That didn’t sound very nice at all. Dad has always said that I had been given away free with a packet of cornflakes at Walmart. That was good enough for me.
Luckily, economics was all about money and toys. Two of my favourite subjects although I’m not quite sure what money is.
Dad explained that he had to work to earn money. The money paid for my house, my food, my clothes, my toys and my sweets. If he didn’t work hard, then he wouldn’t be paid and I’d have to make do without toys and sweets.
Dad said that he understood that I might prefer to spend more time with him than have lots of toys.
What! Is he kidding? Of course I wouldn’t want less toys. I made this pretty clear to him and then queried if he had enough time to be sitting around chatting with me. After all, we can't have him distracted from the important business of earning me more toys.
Matthew.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Kill or Cure
Yesterday’s corner time: 3 Minutes.
Dad’s foot is still causing him a lot of discomfort following the game of tennis that he played over a week ago.
Apparently, the pain increased to such a point on Friday that he had to go out and drink copious quantities of beer with Uncle Bill.
It appears that his injury didn’t hinder his movement between the bars. Although, according to Mum, he was having difficulty walking when he returned home, as he had to crawl up the stairs on his hands and knees. Poor Dad.
However, on Saturday morning, he claimed that the pain had returned and he had to lie on the sofa for the majority of the day. Worse still, the pain seemed to have spread from his foot to his head.
There was no way he was going to be able to make it to see a doctor, so the doctor would have to come to him. I went off to my cupboard to retrieve my medical kit.
Despite his requests for me to leave him alone, I could tell that Dad was pleased that he was at last going to benefit from some specialist care.
I commenced my treatment slightly unconventionally by giving him a haircut. I then tried to extract a tooth with some pliers. Finally, I tested his reflexes by whacking him across the shins with my sword.
Dad grabbed the sword’s scabbard and began to defend himself. Hmm, good reflexes but I couldn’t have him questioning my treatment, so a sword fight ensued. Naturally, I won this when I rapped him across the knuckles, forcing him to drop his weapon and surrender.
Dad had to call out to Mum to rescue him. I don’t think he appreciated my holistic approach.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Tennis Foot
Dad’s foot is still causing him a lot of discomfort following the game of tennis that he played over a week ago.
Apparently, the pain increased to such a point on Friday that he had to go out and drink copious quantities of beer with Uncle Bill.
It appears that his injury didn’t hinder his movement between the bars. Although, according to Mum, he was having difficulty walking when he returned home, as he had to crawl up the stairs on his hands and knees. Poor Dad.
However, on Saturday morning, he claimed that the pain had returned and he had to lie on the sofa for the majority of the day. Worse still, the pain seemed to have spread from his foot to his head.
There was no way he was going to be able to make it to see a doctor, so the doctor would have to come to him. I went off to my cupboard to retrieve my medical kit.
Despite his requests for me to leave him alone, I could tell that Dad was pleased that he was at last going to benefit from some specialist care.
I commenced my treatment slightly unconventionally by giving him a haircut. I then tried to extract a tooth with some pliers. Finally, I tested his reflexes by whacking him across the shins with my sword.
Dad grabbed the sword’s scabbard and began to defend himself. Hmm, good reflexes but I couldn’t have him questioning my treatment, so a sword fight ensued. Naturally, I won this when I rapped him across the knuckles, forcing him to drop his weapon and surrender.
Dad had to call out to Mum to rescue him. I don’t think he appreciated my holistic approach.
Matthew.
Related Posts: Tennis Foot
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