Au Revoir

Yesterday’s corner time: 4 Minutes.

Emily has now moved to Scotland. Needless to say, I’m completely devastated. It took at least half an hour and the prospect of some custard to snap me out of my longest bout of depression to date.

Dad said Emily’s going to live with the Loch Ness Monster but I’ve always found her Mother to be quite nice. Dad also said that it wasn’t really goodbye, just Au Revoir.

As we were talking Au Revoir, I thought I should give Emily a French kiss. I wasn’t quite sure how to perform one of these but I knew that it involved using tongues. So, I licked Emily all over her face.

I think she was impressed but it was hard to tell as she kept trying to bat me away. She’s certainly a feisty one and as she tried to make her escape, I managed to leap on her back, eventually wrestling her to the floor. But, before I could kiss her again, she managed to wriggle free and ran screaming into the kitchen.

Hmm, the lady doth protest too much, methinks.

Nanna says that when my Dad was a lot younger, he used to leap on girls quite a bit too, which is probably where I get it from. Apparently, he only stopped in his mid-twenties, when he was eventually arrested.

I don’t feel rested at all yet, so I’ll continue with this approach for the time being.

Matthew.

Related Posts: Emily, Bubbly, Hard to Get, Play Date, Overbearing, Madness, Aftershave, Moving Away, Nectar

Snowbiz

Yesterday’s corner time: 0 Minutes.

I’m on my best behaviour at the moment because apparently, Father Christmas is watching and he doesn’t look favourably upon little boys torturing their even littler sisters. I’m also a little concerned that he may reject many of the items on my Christmas list:

1) New Sword – Becca’s head has bent my current one.
2) Chainsaw – Let’s see her head dent this.
3) Axe - Just in case.
4) Train set.
5) Spiderman outfit.

I’ve just landed the plum role of third snowflake in my pre-school nativity play. I did have a plan for an unfortunate accident to befall snowflakes 1 and 2 thereby improving my snowflake ranking but I decided to put it in on hold, just in case Father Christmas might notice.

Initially, I tried to completely immerse myself in my role, drawing upon past experiences and emotions in order to bring some real depth to the part. I shed my Matthew persona and actually became Snowflake No. 3.

This meant that I had to be very quiet and float everywhere, as Snowflakes don’t tend to run around shouting a lot and harassing their sisters. Therefore, I soon decided to dispense with the method approach and have instead decided to just wing it on the day.

Surely, this shouldn’t be too difficult. A song and a simple dance routine, what can possibly go wrong?

Matthew.

Related Posts: I Am Gladiator, Kill or Cure, Soldier

Relaxed

Yesterday's corner time: 4 Minutes.

Thanks to everyone who left a message enquiring where I've been. It's nice to be actually missed for once.

So, where have I been? I've been hiding upstairs, underneath my bed for the last four weeks after my Dad suggested we play a game of Hide and Seek.

I eventually gave up all hope of being found and traipsed downstairs into the lounge, only to find both Mum and Dad, with their feet up, sipping cocktails and looking very relaxed.

"There you are! Found you! I'll count to 100 and you go and hide again." said Dad.

I was just about to tell Dad what he could do with his game of hide and seek, when I was knocked violently sideways as Becca sped past on my red sports car.

She pulled to a rest, dismounted, grabbed her tropical fruit juice and sank back into her miniature deck chair without even giving me a sideways glance. Et tu Becca.

It appears that things have been allowed to slip in my absence.

Matthew.