Yesterday’s corner time: 2 Minutes.
Someone once said that I was very advanced for my ears.
Naturally, I had misheard them but for quite some time, I had concerns that my ears were holding me back and preventing me from realising my full potential.
I would catch glimpses of my reflection in shop windows and wish that I had different ears. Why they couldn’t be more like my other features, such as my nose, eyes or mouth?
My little sister Becca didn’t help my paranoia.
No one had ever accused Becca of being very advanced for her ears. In fact, quite the opposite. People often commented how her ears should really be pinned back before they caused a serious accident.
That was shortly after one ear had carelessly flopped into the road resulting in a twenty mile tail back and aeroplanes having to be re-routed to Paris.
In church, her ears were greeted with awe and wonderment as the congregation exclaimed “Jesus! Look at the size of those!”
Matthew.
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Focus
Yesterday's Corner Time: 8 Minutes.
I am often accused of losing focus and not being able to concentrate on the..er…on the..er…what was I saying?
Oh yes, sorry. I am often accused of losing focus and not being able to concentrate on the task at hand.
For example, take getting dressed in the mornings. This relatively straightforward task can take me anything ranging from twenty minutes up to an entire weekend.
Having been issued with clear instructions that I must be dressed within five minutes, I am often found prancing aimlessly around the house wearing only pants and one sock.
This activity alone can contribute hugely to the tension each day as Mum attempts to get both Becca and me ready for school on time.
Personally, I prefer to delay the commencement of the inevitable for as long as humanly possible, providing it doesn’t involve pain or jeopardize my wellbeing.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t marry well with Mum’s objective which tends to be the complete opposite. As a result, my wellbeing is painfully jeopardised more frequently than I would prefer by an irate Mother and a rolling pin.
My Mum says that this behaviour is typical of boys in general and that my Dad is exactly the same. He sent her a Valentines card this year adorned with the phrase “For the Man in my Life”. Honestly, what chance do I stand?
That also explains the curious looks from the shop assistant whose obvious surprise I had initially put down to the fact I was wearing only pants and one sock.
Matthew.
I am often accused of losing focus and not being able to concentrate on the..er…on the..er…what was I saying?
Oh yes, sorry. I am often accused of losing focus and not being able to concentrate on the task at hand.
For example, take getting dressed in the mornings. This relatively straightforward task can take me anything ranging from twenty minutes up to an entire weekend.
Having been issued with clear instructions that I must be dressed within five minutes, I am often found prancing aimlessly around the house wearing only pants and one sock.
This activity alone can contribute hugely to the tension each day as Mum attempts to get both Becca and me ready for school on time.
Personally, I prefer to delay the commencement of the inevitable for as long as humanly possible, providing it doesn’t involve pain or jeopardize my wellbeing.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t marry well with Mum’s objective which tends to be the complete opposite. As a result, my wellbeing is painfully jeopardised more frequently than I would prefer by an irate Mother and a rolling pin.
My Mum says that this behaviour is typical of boys in general and that my Dad is exactly the same. He sent her a Valentines card this year adorned with the phrase “For the Man in my Life”. Honestly, what chance do I stand?
That also explains the curious looks from the shop assistant whose obvious surprise I had initially put down to the fact I was wearing only pants and one sock.
Matthew.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Homework
Yesterday’s corner time: 5 Minutes.
Apparently, it’s not enough that I go to school everyday. My teachers, in their infinite wisdom, still deem my work/life balance to be out of kilter.
With a view to remedying this horrendous aberration, they are now sending work home with me. Work is crossing the threshold into my domain where play and relaxation are the only laws. Well, together with cleaning my teeth after meals, keeping my bedroom tidy and no inappropriate nudity but the less said about that the better.
So, instead of spending quality relaxation time in a trance induced state whilst watching TV or reaching the third level of zen meditation whilst massacring zombies on my DS, I am obliged to do Mathematics.
Twenty equations including division and multiplication. Not only that but they say to show your working.
Show you're working? Of course I’m working, I don’t have time for anything else.
What do they want – video evidence? Do they want a film of me sleeping too so they can see the difference? Here’s one of Matthew working and here’s one of Matthew collapsed over the table utterly exhausted.
Dad turned a ghostly pale when I mentioned that I was taking the video camera to school and he rushed off to wipe it.
So, at least it should be nice and shiny.
Matthew.
Apparently, it’s not enough that I go to school everyday. My teachers, in their infinite wisdom, still deem my work/life balance to be out of kilter.
With a view to remedying this horrendous aberration, they are now sending work home with me. Work is crossing the threshold into my domain where play and relaxation are the only laws. Well, together with cleaning my teeth after meals, keeping my bedroom tidy and no inappropriate nudity but the less said about that the better.
So, instead of spending quality relaxation time in a trance induced state whilst watching TV or reaching the third level of zen meditation whilst massacring zombies on my DS, I am obliged to do Mathematics.
Twenty equations including division and multiplication. Not only that but they say to show your working.
Show you're working? Of course I’m working, I don’t have time for anything else.
What do they want – video evidence? Do they want a film of me sleeping too so they can see the difference? Here’s one of Matthew working and here’s one of Matthew collapsed over the table utterly exhausted.
Dad turned a ghostly pale when I mentioned that I was taking the video camera to school and he rushed off to wipe it.
So, at least it should be nice and shiny.
Matthew.
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