Here, There and Everywhere

Yesterday’s corner time: 4 Minutes.

Becca is everywhere. She’s an omnipotent being.

Wherever I go, she follows behind me like a poodle. Well, that is if poodles walked upright, with their paws outstretched like a zombie from the night of the living dead. She doesn’t really have curly hair or a wet nose either but she is smelly and she does have questionable toilet habits. So, I think the comparison is still valid.

Anyway, she tags along and there’s no escape. As I still can’t reach the “Art of War”, I decided that I should approach the problem logically and methodically.

With some limited experimentation, I have tested the boundaries of her agility and identified that she does have issues avoiding certain obstacles, especially those which suddenly appear from out of nowhere.

My initial studies commenced simply with the scattering of everyday objects on the lounge floor. Drawing pins were particularly effective at slowing her relentless progress but eventually, she learnt to brush them aside with her bear.

Next, I tried springing open cupboard doors as she was passing. With some string attached to the door handle, a sharp tug and some good timing I was able to judge it so that the door would smack her square in the face. This had the added advantage of stunning her for a few seconds, allowing me plenty of time to escape.

I’m currently working on a device which is a cross between a demolition ball and the game of skittles. Not only should this take out Becca but we can also have a highest score contest too.

Matthew.

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